Marriage in islam

Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage.
There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic
priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no
celibacy in Islam.

Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard
as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with
high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said,
"Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is
not from amongst me".

Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one
does not become a slave to his/ her desires.

It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are
established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society.
Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge
in intimacy between a man and a woman.

Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it
neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it
freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever
they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.

The purpose of Marriage.

The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or
a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose
of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another,
love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and
tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification
and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah
because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen
as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to
live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience
to Allah.

Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It
is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into
with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is
not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't
like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be
mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union
can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions
must be met.

1) consent of both parties.

2) " Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.

3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.

4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept
secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.

Is Marriage obligatory?

According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn
Anas, marriage is recommendatory, however in certain individuals it
becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or
mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or
female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit
fornication, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a person has
strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person
to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one
has the means to do so.

A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the
means to maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive
or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously
affect his religious obligation.

The general principle is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the
followers to marry.

He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his
religion , so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
This hadith is narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage
because it shields one from and upholds the family unit which Islam
places great importance.

Selection of a partner:

The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa"
(piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before
going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be
thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they
know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each
other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not
contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should
lower their gaze.

- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed
room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man
and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e.
shaitan.

- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in
the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or
trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously.
There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage.
The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in
most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only
have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand
this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate,
live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the
success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal
a everlasting bond between two people.

Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal
in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people
have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.

- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular
arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged
marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types
of courtship.

This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and
thus do not choose the compatible partner.

Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship.
There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is
blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the
other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions
but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

This is why they often prove successful.

Consent of parties.

There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to
arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both
parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents
choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have
no choice in the matter.

One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the
couple.

Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.

The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the
approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to
safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow
and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented
and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained.
The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him
that her father had married her against her wishes.

The husband/wife relationship.

-The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations.

(1) Maintenance

The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right
is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is
inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich,
poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam"
(leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a
generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus
perform her role devotedly.

The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food
and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge
her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge
must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and
independence.

If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her
household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid
if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The
best Muslim is one who is the best husband.

(2) "Mahr "

The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may
be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties.
A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or
gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. "
Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic
law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future
husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is
contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the
Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the
parties involved.

(3) Non-material rights.

A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with
equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration,
especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses
kindness to women.

The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.

One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success
and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the
comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which
illustrates this point is:

"Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the
apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"

The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not
deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must
not allow any other person to have access to that which is
exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not
receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge
and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should
not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant
to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are
her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his
permission.

A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and
be responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband
sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt
the man to adultery. The husband of course should take into account
the wifes health and general consideration should be given.

Obedience.

The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family
unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the
right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is
superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become
invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the
necessary authority which has been entrusted to them.

Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to
conditions:

(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within
the permissible categories of action.

(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall
under the husband rights.

Islam the Eternal Path to Peace